My song lyrics about a break up?

of course this would go better with the music but can anyone relate with the lyrics?





Yesterday we walked away, it was the hardest thing to do


Knew it had to happen, but not this soon.





We felt each other but never got ahold


Now I'm using those feelings for silver and gold.





What will happen next, where will you be


I'll be where I alway was, listening to me.





I really miss you, I miss you alot.


But this pain I'm feeling, I wish you not.





I want to see you, see your pretty eyes


Sing this song I wrote for you in disguise





Such a crazy feeling that coming over me


Feels like it was yesterday and your walking away from me.

My song lyrics about a break up?
The final line, Feels like it was yesterday and you're walking away from me, is a good line. I would suggest rewriting this, focusing on the theme of that line because it stands out, while the other lines are kinda blah. I mean no offense, just trying to be helpful =)
Reply:No problem, glad to help :) Pain often inpsires us to be crative ;) Report It

Reply:i suggest you learn from the master.





of course i can relate, but why insult your intelligence with such watered down delusions?





here is a song our band is currently working on:








PARALYSIS BY ANALYSIS


by Saint John


from the forthcoming album "All That I Bleed"








(verse)


Letters arranged on the floor


Postmarked with shades of magenta.


Order by randomness,


I search for the words unhinged...





Obscured are "the atones"


Written beneath the white and the grey.


A character's character


Slanted by words left to say...





(chorus)


Where has the life of a hand become


Thin white lines in subterfuge


Some things not destined to know...


Ignorance be damned, for I want to grow!





(verse)


Paralyzed, I analyze


Each stroke with annoying pace.


Tear marks crooked with time,


For the fingerprint's guilt-driven shame!





Enveloped yet not developed,


At least to yet my reply.


Though hark! Silence is said


Feelings stamped to deny...





(chorus)





Haste is the waste of a day newborne


Yet this moment I still leave to be scorned!
Reply:+yesterday all my problems seemed so far away now it looks as they are here to stay oh i believe in yesterday why she had to go i dont know she would nt say oh how i long for yesterday your song reminds me of this one by some dude i think his name is Paul i think he wrote other songs too
Reply:I don't know. It sounds a bit weird.
Reply:yeah try to express all your emotions so put your all into it's nice but if you want it to be perfect rewrite it another way then see if you want to add somethings from the new poem you wrote then takeout somethings from the old one and put it all together you never know what you might get from doing that
Reply:well they are a little confusing in sum parts like i don't understand what ur saying for ex:"Now I'm using those feelings for silver and gold" wat does tht mean?

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