What do you think of this these song lyrics?

A Lady's Lament





Hey, ho, The tides rolls in.


I have lost my love again.


He has sailed across the sea.


What will become of me?





I stand here talking to the sea.


Will she bring him back to me?


Day by day she tells her lies.


Night by night my spirit dies.





So it goes throughout the years.


As the end of my life nears.


No answer comes, she does not care.


She acts like I'm not even there.





The sea she's claimed my own true love.


But I've had words from up above.


Dreams come to me upon the wind.


Last words from him that he did send.





"My love, love the sea she would not wait.


So I'll meet you up at heaven's gate.


Where I'll claim you back again."





Hey, ho, Fiddly-I-O.


The tide rolls in again my friend.


Hey, ho, Fiddly-I-O.


Hey, ho, Fiddly -I-O!

What do you think of this these song lyrics?
You are a bit of a fool to post uncopyrighted material. Anyone can still them you know. That being said, they seem good but need work I think.
Reply:I dont know really what I think guess I need to hear you say it
Reply:They first struck me as somewhat trite, a superficial treatment of a serious subject.





Somewhere around the 3rd verse, they gained enough depth to be worth writing about.





Most good song lyrics also work as poetry. These don't, but they may be salvageable as song lyrics. It would take a vocal artist who can see beyond just hitting the notes to make this work, but it could work.
Reply:pretty good....keep it up!!
Reply:I don't know about others but I thought it was awesome. Tell me when you make an album. I want it.
Reply:PRETTY GOOD!! YOU HAVE TALENT%26gt;
Reply:I am just sincerely hoping you know how utterly stupid, inane, thoughtless these answers were to your question.





My answer? Decent control of rhyme, not great. Average, actually. Third from last stanza, rhyme was forced. Language a bit archaic. what you tried to do in the last stanza, as a bookend to the first, it didn't really work. There wasn't enough in the middle to carry it through and make it feel authentic to the reader.





Advice? Humm. You probably can write better than this. I'd keep at it. You need focus.
Reply:it's a really great song! but i think you should add a chorus part,but only if you want.by the way great song!